Brake failure

This is a story about a narrow escape I had when I was a student, and how the incident came back to haunt me many years later!

A student at Bangor

The picture shows the main Arts Building of Bangor University, North Wales, where I was a student in the early 1970s. It’s the cathedral-like structure at the top of the hill in the background – the actual Cathedral is the less impressive building in the foreground! You might also be able to see the steep slope in front of the Arts Building.

In my final year my regular route to college was across a road and up that hill – and quite often to the top floor of the College as well – I was lot fitter in those days!

Crossing the road

At that time the road was part of the main A5 route that snaked through Bangor on its way to the Menai Bridge and Anglesey, and was hence quite a busy road. Fortunately there was a pedestrian crossing that I could use, and that is where my story begins.

For anyone not in the know about UK traffic laws, a “zebra” crossing is one on which pedestrians have right of way – if somebody steps on to the crossing the traffic must stop. It is, however, up to pedestrians to be sensible about this – if you don’t give a car enough time to stop and you end up in hospital, that is your fault!

One morning I reached the crossing as a car was approaching slowly with plenty of time to stop. However, when I stepped into the road it became clear that the driver had no intention of stopping and would have hit me if I had not got a move on to get clear. I turned round to shout some choice words at the driver of the car, which was still trundling slowly forwards. “Sorry, mate”, he yelled, “I can’t stop, my brakes have failed!”

“What are you driving it for, then?” I shouted back, to which the reply was: “Well, I’ve got to get it to the garage somehow, haven’t I?”

For years afterwards I used to tell this story as an illustration of just how stupid some car drivers can be – until the day that the boot was on the other foot!

A flashback

I inherited my late father’s black VW Beetle in 1983, which was the impetus I needed to learn to drive. I was living near Salisbury in Wiltshire at the time and, after passing my driving test, made several solo trips to explore the countryside of that part of the world. Salisbury sits at the confluence of several rivers that have cut quite deep valleys in the chalk landscape, which means that most of the routes out of town have to go up appreciably steep hills. I was going down one such hill when I was suddenly made aware that pressing the brake pedal was having no effect at all.

I did know enough about cars to appreciate that “pumping” the brake pedal can sometimes work if there has been a loss of brake fluid, so this is what I did, as well as driving in low gear. However, in order to get to a repair garage I had to drive right through the middle of the city of Salisbury, complete with its pedestrian crossings.

As I approached one such crossing, with people looking ready to cross, I pumped the pedal as hard as I could, but it was clear that I would not be able to stop in time. I therefore sounded the horn, flashed the lights, and opened the window to explain the situation to the people standing on the pavement.

My mind flashed back ten years and I found myself calling out, “Sorry I can’t stop, my brakes have failed!”

I’m not Welsh, but I caught myself shouting in a distinctly Welsh accent!

© John Welford

Single-sentence stories

(The challenge was to write stories that began and ended within a single sentence. Here are my suggestions!)

The fruits of modern education

I watched as a 30-year-old woman stopped in the street, tapped out the numbers on her smartphone and proudly announced to her husband, “seven and six are thirteen”.

Fall of One Empire, Rise of Another

Cleopatra died, apparently from a self-inflicted snakebite, in a deed that added the Empire of Egypt to that of Rome and which was once aptly described as the biggest asp disaster in the world.

Othello

When Desdemona dropped her handkerchief, evil Iago used it to cause mayhem, lay false accusations and cause the death of several principal characters, including himself.

Nostalgia

Once upon a time they all lived happily ever after.

Strategy and tactics

He got the strategy right by buying a bottle of expensive wine for her to drink at dinner, but his tactics went awry when she refused to drink it.

Writers block

He had high hopes of becoming a successful writer but had to live in a bungalow when he realised that he was only good for one storey.

The name’s the same

The new housing estate was built after they cut down a lovely old piece of woodland to make space for it, but now you can live in Oak Close, Birch Drive or Sycamore Avenue.

Hands up

After the school inspector had left, immensely impressed by the fact that every time the teacher asked a question all the pupils raised a hand and a correct answer was given, the teacher revealed that his classroom practice was for a right hand to be raised if you knew the answer and a left hand went up if you didn’t.

Missed opportunity

When the dessert trolley came along, loaded with the most delicious-looking cakes and puds, she waved it by and therefore missed a last chance of real delight before the big ship hit an iceberg.

Emergency exit

When the Cabinet Secretary got into a panic on the day of the Twin Towers disaster in New York, he asked about arrangements for using the secret underground escape tunnel from 10 Downing Street, only to be told that the man who looked after the key had gone on holiday without telling anyone where he kept it.

Christmas shopping

He thought long and hard about what to give his mother, who lived more than 100 miles away, as her Christmas present, going through every gift catalogue he could lay his hands on, but none of them had the one gift that he knew was what she really wanted, namely him turning up on her doorstep and saying “I love you, Merry Christmas”.

© John Welford