In the Library: a story

I was working in the university library, doing a spot of shelving, when I came across a mobile phone that somebody had left on one of the shelves. Just as I was about to pick it up, with a view to taking it to Lost Property, it started to ring. A hand reached past me and picked up the phone. A finger pressed the green button and a man started to speak into it.

 We don’t normally approve of people making and taking mobile phone calls in the library stacks, but it was too late to stop this one. The volume setting on the phone was quite high, and I was therefore able to hear both sides of the conversation that followed.

 “Hi there”, said the man, who looked to be a postgraduate student from an Arab country, of which the University had recruited a considerable number in recent years. He was well dressed and had an expensive looking diamond ring on his marriage finger. His perfect white teeth flashed as he smiled broadly on hearing a deeply accented female voice that said “Hello darling” to him.

 “I’m on the Selfridge’s website”, she said, “and I want your opinion”.

 “Sure”, he replied.

 “I’ve found this lovely bag. It’s a Valentino, just what I need, but it costs nearly £3,000. I thought I’d better check with you before I order it. It is your credit card after all”.

 “No problem”, said the man.

 “And I also thought I’d check the P&O site to see what we can do for next year’s cruise. I know you said we should economise this time, and just do seven nights in the Med, but how about 62 nights round the World, via Singapore, Sydney, Wellington, Hawaii and Barbados? I could book it now if you like, only £9,600 for each of us?”

 “Sounds great”, said the man, “You just go ahead and do that”.

 As you can imagine, I was agog at overhearing this conversation and all thoughts of interrupting it had left my head, especially as the lady with the dusky voice had not finished yet.

 “You know you said I needed a little car to run around in while you’re busy at the University?” she said.

 “Sure”, said the man. “Anything for you.”

 “Well, I’ve come across this wonderful Mercedes Roadster that would absolutely fit the bill. Mind you, it might be a bit more expensive than you were expecting, at £48,000.”

 The man did not seem to be at all perturbed. The teeth and the ring flashed in unison as he purred down the line: “Nothing’s too much for my darling wife. Of course you must have it. Only – I am in the library at the moment, and the librarian is giving me a strange look, so I’d better hang up now.”

 With that, the man ended the call and turned towards me. By this time his audience had grown somewhat, as every student within earshot had gathered round to listen to what was going on.

 “I’m so sorry”, said the man. “You were just about to take this phone to Lost Property, weren’t you? Do carry on - I’m sure the owner, whoever it is, will be very keen to get it back”.

© John Welford