Thursday, 14 June 2018

Something Raymond Forgets: a story





The gang – all of them – were very cross with Raymond. They kept telling him that it wasn’t his turn this year, and even if it was he was far too early.

We always go in alphabetical order, they said. And you have to wait your turn. Aileen was first, then Brian. You’re an R – you’re way down the list, and apart from that you haven’t been chosen.

“Why not?” said Raymond. “I’d be just as good as any of you lot”.

“It’s not our decision”, said Karen. We have to do as we’re told. If we’re chosen, we set off when the time comes. If not, we bide our time and see if next year is our year.”

“And anyway”, said Larry, “It’s boy then girl then boy then girl.”

“Which means”, said Rebecca, “That I’m the R this time round, not you”.

“I can’t see why you’re in such a hurry”, said Simon. “You may be all the rage for two or three days, get your name in all the newspapers and be number one item on the 6 O’Clock News, but then you fizzle out and are completely forgotten about.”

“Besides which,” said James, “It’s the height of Summer – something Raymond forgets. None of us are likely to get an outing for weeks yet”.

A wistful expression came over Raymond’s weather-beaten face.

“I haven’t forgotten the last time I got the call”, he said. “It was such fun. Back in 2013 – I went to Mexico, you know. They don’t muck about down there. Ten whole days I got – ten! I got some speed up, I can tell you. 125 miles an hour!

“Mind you, that wasn’t the first time I tried my luck in Mexico. Back in 1989 … “

The others soon realized that there was nothing that could stop Raymond from regaling them with all the details of his past triumphs. This was a guy in both his dotage and his anecdotage.

Raymond certainly had plenty to talk about. His greatest triumph – if that’s the right word – had been way back in 1983, and once he got going on that story there was no chance of anyone else getting a word in edgeways.

It was only when the phone rang that he was persuaded to stop. Olivia handed it to Hector, whose expression turned to surprise, then delight.

“I don’t believe it”, he told the others after putting the phone down. “I’ve got the call! I’m to set off for Ireland immediately then head for Scotland and Northern England! See you!”

With that he left the room to get his bags packed. Iona perked up considerably, knowing that she was next in line.

As for Raymond, he thought about calling his agent to see if there was any chance of another outing in the Pacific – maybe the Philippines this time? The Atlantic Storm Season was clearly not to his liking.

© John Welford

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