Line 42: a story

The six Henrys were having a chat. They often did this, and had many opportunities for so doing, seeing as they were wedged together in just about every “Complete works” ever published.

The topic of conversation was Life, linked with the Universe and Everything. Six Part Three had been taking a sneaky look at a book entitled “The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy”, by Douglas Adams, that somebody had misfiled next to the Complete Works. That’s the problem with libraries run by volunteers – stuff ends up in all sorts of odd places if you’re not careful.

“It’s an interesting idea”, said Six Part Three. “According to something called a supercomputer, with the strange name of Deep Thought, the answer to Life, the Universe and Everything is 42”.

“42?” said Four Part Two. “”Whatever gave him that idea?”

“Who knows”, said Six Part Three, “I thought our writer had some queer notions, but this modern lot are all over the place”.

“Is he right?” said Five. “Suppose the answer really is 42? Have you looked for yourself?”

“What do you mean?” said Six Part Three.

“I mean”, said Five, “that we’ve all got lots of 42s of our own. Just about all our scenes run to at least 42 lines, so do our lines with that number say anything profound about Life?”

“Wow”, said Four Part One. “I’ll just have a quick look, if you wouldn’t mind averting your gaze while I do so.”

“You don’t have to worry about me”, said Four Part Two, but I’m not so sure about the guy on your other side, Richard II”.

“I heard that,” said Richard II. “Nothing has ever been proved about my inclinations. It’s Edward II who bats for the other side, and the Marlowe Complete Works were borrowed yesterday, so you can set your mind at rest on that score.”

During this aside all the Henrys had been ferreting about to find their Line 42s.

“There’s nothing very profound in my Act 1”, said Six Part Two. I can only offer “For eighteen months concluded by consent; Presumptuous dame, ill-nurtur’d Eleanor!; and Is this the government of Britain’s Isle?”

“Same here”, said Four Part One. “I start off with ‘A thousand of his people butchered’ followed by ‘a most sweet robe of durance’ and ‘And as the soldiers bore dead bodies by’”.

“This is pathetic”, said Five, who then offered ‘It was the excess of wine that set him on’. “Mind you”, he said, “I have got ’Will stand a tip-toe when this day is named’, which is a bit more like it”.

“How about ‘Here comes the Prince?” said Four Part Two.

“And which prince might that be?” asked Five.

“Well, it’s you, actually, “ said Four Part Two, “But you hardly count as the ultimate answer to Life, the Universe and Everything, do you?”

“Thanks”, said Five.

“That Adams guy hadn’t got a clue”, said Six Part Two. “I fail to see how anyone can solve all life’s riddles based on “His lady banished and a limb lopp’d off” or even “Sometime I’ll say I am Duke Humphrey’s wife”.

“You haven’t heard mine yet”, said Six Part One. “I can proudly offer ‘Their arms are set, like clocks, still to strike on’”.

“Meaning?” asked Five.

“Haven’t a clue”, said Six Part One. “But it sounds as though it should mean something”. At least it’s better than ‘So, rushing in the bowels of the French’ from my Act 4 Scene 7. But you’re right, that Douglas Adams must have been on something weird when he wrote that book. He should have taken note of my Act 5 Scene 3 – ‘I never had to do with wicked spirits’.

“I think I’ve got the best line 42 to fit the bill”, said Six Part Three. “This is clearly an exercise that is going nowhere, so let’s conclude this nonsense with my Act 2 Scene 3: ‘Now, lords, take leave until we meet again’.”

© John Welford